ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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