He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
