My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
