highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
