Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
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You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
do nipples grow back?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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