At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
