I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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