1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
