he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
