I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
