Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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