I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
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Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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