Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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