Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
