you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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