i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
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So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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