On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
