The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
