Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
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Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
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After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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