tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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