Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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