dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
