I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
