We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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