If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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