If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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