Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
