To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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