whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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