I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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