Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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