Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
