I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
