I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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