i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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