Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
