im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
