Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i think i have herpe
just one?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
