u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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