Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
