i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it's great music for shaving your balls
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
