hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
