woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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