I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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