I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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