My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
is wine microwaveable?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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