You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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