Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
