New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
