I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
