We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
