you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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