she takes plan B like it's going out of style
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
