I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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