this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
