You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
