Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
