JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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