maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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