epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
